Blind

Last week, my friends and I had a random talk about people's attitude nowadays when they are in a relationship especially how possessive can some be in a relationship. What do I mean about possessive? It means demanding total attention of love or not wanting the other one be independent.

It is true to say that different people have different perception like the way we notice things especially we notice things with our senses. So what do I consider as being possessive?

• Does your boyfriend/girlfriend distrust you?

• Do you often reject invitations from friends just because you are 'afraid' your boyfriend/girlfriend will get angry?

• Does your boyfriend/girlfriend specifies a certain curfew for you? (and makes sure you comply)?

• Does your boyfriend/girlfriend often accuse you of being unfaithful when he sees you hanging out with the opposite sex?

If you answer yes for more than 3 times for these questions, I assume that you might be having a possessive partner. So is it good to have a possessive partner? There is no straight answer to this question, as it is a very subjective question and it all depends on the other party. I have seen some that are happy in a possessive relationship because they feel that by being possessive, they know that the other party cares, loves, and can't stand to lose them at all cost. Take an example that I have, a couple, Aaron and Julia. They started to date each other since 2006 and a lot of drama happened in between until they decided to take a year break with each other. Then they re-date each other at the end of 2007. With this, Aaron becomes a possessive boyfriend that in everyone's mind because he does not let Julia goes out and have fun with her friends. Possessiveness can surely bring an end to a relationship. It can turn a good relationship to a sour one with arguments, jealousy and so on. Fortunately, Julia is willing to be his under control and eventually their relationship still can stay strong until now.

Ok, back to the topic, perception. What do you think or any idea in your mind about this couple after hearing this story? As for my friends, they think that Aaron is being crazy, over jealously, even worst, a control freak. There is not wrong that eveyone thinks Aaron is over react to Julia but have everyone wonder what is the one makes Aaron act in this way or everyone just judge him through his action? Of course, there are reasons to explain his action like maybe is due to his past experience? What meaning have similar events held? He has been through with the a-year-break-for-each-other and of course he does not want thing happens in that way again. However, with our perception, some do not think that way. Don't you think is unfair for him if we just jump to the conclusion with our own perception? It is undeniable that we are easily influenced by what is most obvious especially what we see with our eyes. As for me, I think we should take time to know that person instead of cling to the first impression, even if is wrong. Take it in the other way round, what if people have a wrong concept about you? How would you feel? You are trying your best to make a change what you are in their heart but they still stick with the first impression? I am sure this sounds unfair for you. Same things goes to others, we should take time to know them instead of having perceptual errors on others that can lead to troublesome communication in the future.

So from now on, we should give everyone a change to know them without strongly holding our perception.

© the vanilla villain Vivian